epiphanys and such........

epiphany: a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

 

i don't know if it's just my age or what, but i seem to have more of these the older i get.   maybe it's that whole wisdom thing, but i doubt it.  and usually when i have them they are related to some conversation i had some days or weeks prior.   one of the most notable i've had in recent years was from a conversation i had at the fort lauderdale airport after a two week stint in key west.  i had been on the road for almost three and a half weeks at that point as i'd been in seattle the week prior to key west.  after flying from dallas to seattle then across the country to ft lauderdale, then in key west for two weeks i was worn out.    it was definitely time for home............and familiar things.

so anyway, me and a few band mates were sitting at the gate and i don't have any clue how we got on the subject of space travel, but we did.   i was informed that the further you travel away from earth the slower time slows down for you, which essentially makes time seemingly speed up on earth (i looked into too, it's true).   which means a couple of weeks of space travel to you could mean several months passing on earth.   seems simple enough correct?  then after a few weeks at home in the fort the ole epiphany happened.   i realized that the constant and relentless touring i'd done over the last 18 years was much like space travel.  to me i just hit the road for a week or two, sometimes 3 and then back home for a short while, then repeat.   i was still me.  the musician who just hits the road all the time seeing a different hotel every night, a different club, different faces and different restaurants.   although after a number of years it's quite funny how all the places look the same now, but that's another opportunity for rambling later......

BUT, after a number of years i, without even knowing it, realized that time doesn't move at the same speed for me as most of my good mates.  as i spent the years touring the country and some parts of the world the rest of the people i know spent those same years growing up........finding their significant others..........and some having kids.   all i've done is come in and out of their lives all the while not changing much.   the change is most evident usually when fewer and fewer of my good mates can hit the town 3-4 times a week with me.   time moves quicker here at home, no doubt about it.

  

this particular epiphany has become most evident to me in recent years as i've watched a 4 year old grow up into a not-so-4-year-old now.   it's amazing to me quite honestly really because i, and some friends, all went with her and her momma to her FIRST day of school (i'm so thankful to have had that opportunity as i will most likely never have any kids of my own....which i'm cool with, so don't panic).  of course that little girl is growing like a weed these days and getting tall and skinny.  the pics i took of her just 8 months ago look nothing like her now.  in few short years i'm guessing she won't want me to take her to get snow cones in the summer months anymore either. bummer.  

 

another small epiphany that has come to me recently, and one i haven't quite worked through in my head fully, is that what makes you truly happy doesn't have to be, although it can, the thing you make a living at.  it had been for me my entire life, up until a few years ago.  the start of this most recent discovery was from watching a movie a friend of mine recommended called "pirate radio".  it's about the 60's when pirate radio ships were anchored off the coast of the UK and were broadcasting any music they wanted to.  so i must have watched the movie 3-4 times and it dawned on me that here were these people, just radio DJ's, not musicians, but they loved music to the nth degree.  it was there life.  it's what they woke up and literally lived for every day of their lives.   which of course reminded me of when i was in 1st and 2nd grade and literally the first thing i did when i woke up, to get ready for school, was turn on the radio.  i can't even remember what i was listening to and i'm sure i don't want to remember.   the point is THAT is when i fell in love with music and back then it had nothing to do with playing it.  it would be another 7 years before i put my first drumsticks in my hand.  like i've said, i do still love playing music, but that fire i had in me when i was younger to play every day no matter what......that fire just isn't raging anymore.   it's partly why i moved to nashville and also moved out.  i moved there to play with someone who i honestly believed in and truly dug her music, but there's no way i could make a living in that town having to play any gig offered to me.  i did get the opportunity to play some great music while i was there, but most of what passed over my ears was just not to my liking.....and never will be.  so until i turn into that 7 year old kid again and have that passion for music i once did i really can't say what will become of me and music.  i will get to play gigs this week with one of my best friends, josh davis, as well as ted russell kamp and i am most assuredly looking forward to each and every one of those shows.  i can relate to both of their tunes very much.............and i enjoy the music.  which is the most important thing.

 

the things i do these days that truly give me pleasure and make me happy are not things i can make money while doing.....unless of course anyone wants to come over to my place and pay me to cook you dinner.   so that's kind of an epiphany in the making.....which is really the reason i moved back to the fort.   this place makes me truly happy even though i'm still trying to tame these restless bones i still have in me........and have had in me my entire life.  London is another place that makes me happy, but living there will have to be something i do later in life....maybe.  for now i've committed myself to fly over every year for at least a week or two.   

it's almost 2am and that crazy brit at the pub here is about to scream last call, so i'd better shut this laptop down.   that and i need sleep as i think i might get up and go to church in the morning.  i met a pastor in the parking lot of target who had more ink than me....go figure.  so it's at least a given i won't get stared at when i walk in their church......which is a good start.     and who knows, maybe the Lord willing, i'll have another epiphany there in the AM.  stranger things have happened.  

things i will miss...

-the weather
-the corndogs
- 2-4-1
-the birds
-2:30am last call
-mitchells smoked salmon
-the silly goose
-2 coffee shops, numerous bars and restaurants all within walking distance
-did i mention the weather?
-sitar
-$6 fish and chips
-living in a 2BR
-did i mention the birds?
-live cards
-cheap electricity
-having a bedroom with no windows
-an honest mechanic (autry automotive)
-bar food that's actually good

next??????

it's been over two months since i've logged in here, but not much has happened really.   other than my excursion to the NW in december i've pretty much been hanging here in east nashville just working at 3 crow 4 nights a week.   i wish i could say i've been playing shows, but i haven't been doing that either.  only 3 since thanksgiving and one was a fly date to austin last week.   next week i do have a show with the 5 tones at 12th and porter (mon. 1/31) and with bonnie bishop and the modern day prophets at the building (2/1) and then............who knows. 

i honestly don't know what to make of this lack of desire to play music anymore.    it's quite strange to not care to much about doing the ONE thing you've done for 25 years.   i mean, i have some friends who've barely been alive that long.  weird.  i do still love sitting down behind a kit and playing good songs with great musicians, but that day-to-day desire to play all the time is just gone.......................  SO, just to make it official, i'm splitting music city.   living over here on the east side is nice, cheap, the food is good, the people are friendly (need i even mention 2-4-1 nights?), but..................to put it simply.  i didn't move to this town to have a day job.......i moved here to play music and if i can't do that much here then i'm out.  i'm just spinning my wheels living like i have the past 2 months.   i make just enough to keep me stuck and i'm just not willing to live that way.   my new digs are secured in ftw and i have a few ideas for work and some possible gigs.   a grand idea would be to get on the road doing some road managing or drum teching....just for a quick fix at least.

i'm hauling load #1 to the fort tomorrow (private party on saturday night with adam hood and then fly back sunday morning), so if anyone's around i'm sure i'll pop into the pub tomorrow night for a few pints......and next weekend i'll haul the rest of it. 


cheers!

so bored.....

i really should walk down the street tonight and get out of this apt.   the cards have been quite cruel this week. i lost to a lot of runner runner, 3 outers, 4 outers......and very few of my draws are hitting like they should.  twice i remember getting it all in with top set and a flush draw......only to brick the turn and river to lose the hand.  oh well.  the online bankroll has taken a hit of about $200 this week (half in ring games, half in tourneys).   nothing i can do about it really.   it'll come back around and i'm sure i'll be playing when it does.  last night and thursday night i tried playing one or two tourneys much above where i should be playing, bankroll wise, and i proved to myself i hang in those better than i thought.   the $26 stud hi/lo plaid 13 people (about 135 entered) and i busted out in 18.   my split A's ran into an opponents rolled up 4's.   as they say, that's poker.   the point is that i have to get to the point where i'm playing in $20 and up tourneys.   these $5 tourneys are a beating with the amount of bad play day in and day out.   most especially on the weekends. 

i WILL play in a wsop circuit event this season before next summer's WSOP in vegas (might go there too).   my good friend carl wants me to fly out to san diego in march to play out there in a few events.   i had planned on going to durant, oklahoma in january instead, so we'll see (durant would be nice seeing as i could take a few days to hang in the fort).  it's doubtful i can do both unless i have a big score between now and january, which is not likely given my bankroll.  it doesn't mean i won't stop trying.  

cabin fever is setting in at this point in the day, so i think i'm headed down to 3C for a bit, but eating was first on the list of things to do.  so this was it:

romaine lettuce w/ cranberries, sliced parmesan cheese (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parmigiano-Reggiano), cilantro, real bacon and  balsamic vinaigrette (i really should start making that instead of buying it).   i also need to figure out what i'm cooking for thanksgiving next week.   as much as i cook i really don't have an excuse NOT to take something down to pop's place next thursday.  

and these two smokes are going up in flames tonight:  on the left is a vegueros cepos from around '01 and the davidoff on the right is a margeaux from the mid 80's.  

and pick up this record if you don't have it (which i'm sure most of you don't).   it's fantastic:

adios................

bruce

these old bones.............

.........are getting extremely restless.   i haven't traveled much since moving to nashville a year ago and for awhile i was ok with it.  after many many years of constant travel and touring it was nice to kick back and relax.  to be home consistently on a friday and saturday night was not something i was accustom to at all and after a few months i realized it ain't so bad not always being on the go......if you have a reason to be home that is.  at the moment i don't have a reason to always be home and the travel bug is seriously starting to bite me.  i NEED to get out on the road soon (yeah, i know, bad time of the year for that) and i really don't care in what capacity.   drummer, road manager, merch guy, driver, drum tech..............anything. 

my good friend eric, with whom i play cards with regularly here in east nashville, were discussing last night about what it is we strive to get out of our jobs.   by that i don't mean fame (entertainment biz) or some high paying suit job.  what i mean is why are you working THAT job?  why are you currently doing what you are doing?  is it because you love that job or does it simply enable you to earn enough money to do what really makes you happy?   or is it, for the time being, something you have to do to pay the bills?  sometimes you love your job so much that making a nice living at it is a nice little bonus.    sometimes you hate your job so much the excess money you make isn't worth it.

at this point in my life i still absolutely love playing music, not necessarly drums per se, but i love playing MUSIC.   there is a difference.  i like playing the groove simply to enhance the melody.   period.   anything else i do that gets in the way of the main groove or melody is simply rubbish.  so i try and avoid doing that.   sometimes i succeed and sometimes i don't........much like cards.

"it isn't necessary to follow chord by chord, but a drummer should know the melody.....that way the song can be played as a unit, not just two or three people carrying the whole thing and the drummer sitting back there just keeping time" - Elvin jones

 

so in thinking back to my conversation with eric last night, and i have realized this over the last year or so, at this point my playing music is what enables me to do something that i have always loved and will always love.   playing music is the thing that gets me to where i want to be.......................which is traveling this very large planet.

traveling......................that's it.  that's THE single reason that i try and make a lot of money, so i can see the world (which is understandably why touring is such a wonderful thing: music AND traveling).   i've been traveling since i was 2 years old when my mom, pop, sister and brother went camping.    we traveled every summer to somewhere (usually north carolina) and i remember some of those trips very vividly.   traveling all over the world (or US), meeting new people and eating new foods will most certainly help you appreciate home, your family and your close friends.   OR it'll make you want to pack up and move.  i know that both times i have been to london i NEVER want to leave.   i love the people there, the slang, the pubs, the food and the weather.   especially the weather (which also explains my love of seattle).  i love living out of a suitcase, sleeping in hotel beds, driving every day (well, almost every day) and always trying to find some small cafe or restaurant to have some good local food (mind you i have had some very bad food on my travels).  the seafood enchiladas on the santa monica pier and the seafood pasta in DE come to mind.   the latter i actually had to send back after two bites.   i do NOT like sending my food back to the kitchen and have only done so twice in my life (the other time was in amsterdam). 

i can remember taking the pics below like i took them yesterday (except for the one in ftw 10/08.  i have NO clue what i was doing up that early on a thursday morning.  i'm assuming i hadn't been to sleep and stepped outside when i heard amy taking bitty to school...who knows).    the one from canberra, australia i vividly remember taking.   mike wynn and i were out on the balcony of the hotel we were staying at having a smoke and a pint.  i don't know what we were chatting about, but the subject matter matters not.   kicking back with a good friend enjoying life on the other side of the world is all i remember.  

                                                                fort worth, TX: christmas day '07

                                                                  canberra, australia:  feb. '07

                                                                   lubbock, TX:  '04

                                                                 sunrise in needles, CA:  jan. '07

                                                                  seattle, WA:  december '08

                                                     sunrise somewhere in AZ:  november '08

                                                           sunrise in ftw, TX: 10-23-08

                                                              camp atsugi, japan:  march '07

                                                    steamboat springs, CO:  january '06

                                                   french quarter, new orleans, LA: sept.'07

and this quote pretty much sums it all up:

"It says something about me, I think, that I am most at ease these days-at my most relaxed-when alone in the smoking room of an airport lounge, coming from somewhere nice and on my way to another." - Anthony Bourdain


ok, time to cook some dinner and go play some live cards at 7pm.


bruce

i love mondays

it's THE only day of the week that i'm guaranteed to have the whole day to myself to play cards.  today did not start off well when i took a not-so-lovely beat in the first tourney i played.   i cooled off a bit and then proceeded to play two cash tables.   after about 3 hours i had doubled my money and the since the last 30 minutes i'd hit a few coolers and the deck went cold, i opted to get out.   what else to do now, but .......................eat. 

 the platos carnitas at rosepepper cantina over here in east nashville has to be one of THE best meals around this area (i do like my corn dogs at drifters, but that's only a snack, not a meal).  seriously, look at that picture.  it does not suck. the pecan mole on the left is superb and get the corn tortillas, not the flour.   i also tend to dump the lime/cilantro salsa on top of the roast pork.  

so now that i'm stuffed it's back to the cards (and smoking an excellent partagas corona from '02).   currently playing an $11 omaha 8 hi/lo fixed limit tourney that had only 118 sign up and for some reason 18 cash, not the usual 10% which should be 12.   so unless i make the final table of 9 i don't even double my money.  the good news is that quite a few people on my table are over playing their hands, so once the blinds go up i'm sure they'll be on their way out.   i also have another NLHE tourney about to start.  here's to hoping i do well in both. 

bruce

roller coaster week

up and down and up and down..................all week.   not necessarily in profit per se, but just in catching hands, missing flops and generally just not playing my best.   i know, partially, why it's happening.   now i just have to fix those things.    those "things" cost me money this week and considering i've made more money playing cards the last week or so than playing music (and working at 3 crow) it makes a very motivating thing to get done.   i can't play music every day for cash, but i can play cards...........and i do.

                              *****me, amy and gwen fall '06 (@ woodys per usual)*****


i really, really, really need a few weeks on the road.   like in a holiday sense, not a tour (that wouldn't be so bad either).   maybe when i get my van flipped and get another one i can do just that.   warm pints, the empire casino, blood sausage and potato jackets are just what i need right about now.    my restlessness is seriously in full swing at the moment.   haven't been back to the fort since july either..........and THAT is no bueno.  

    ******pint of peroni and some old cigar...by the thames river at the albany pub.  may '09******


ok, i'm back on FT and found a soft table.   i've already double one buy in and working doing the same at the other table as well (i currently multi table only two tables at a time...hopefully in the next month i can do up to 4).   time for dinner, fridge is empty so i guess it's out of the apt i go.   mexican, pizza, sandwhich...............who knows.....also thinking i'll pull out another very very old cigars tonight to light up.  seems like a good night to do that.


bruce