Cigars Cards and Mile Markers

Saturday, March 12, 2011

epiphanys and such........

epiphany: a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.
i don't know if it's just my age or what, but i seem to have more of these the older i get.   maybe it's that whole wisdom thing, but i doubt it.  and usually when i have them they are related to some conversation i had some days or weeks prior.   one of the most notable i've had in recent years was from a conversation i had at the fort lauderdale airport after a two week stint in key west.  i had been on the road for almost three and a half weeks at that point as i'd been in seattle the week prior to key west.  after flying from dallas to seattle then across the country to ft lauderdale, then in key west for two weeks i was worn out.    it was definitely time for home............and familiar things.

so anyway, me and a few band mates were sitting at the gate and i don't have any clue how we got on the subject of space travel, but we did.   i was informed that the further you travel away from earth the slower time slows down for you, which essentially makes time seemingly speed up on earth (i looked into too, it's true).   which means a couple of weeks of space travel to you could mean several months passing on earth.   seems simple enough correct?  then after a few weeks at home in the fort the ole epiphany happened.   i realized that the constant and relentless touring i'd done over the last 18 years was much like space travel.  to me i just hit the road for a week or two, sometimes 3 and then back home for a short while, then repeat.   i was still me.  the musician who just hits the road all the time seeing a different hotel every night, a different club, different faces and different restaurants.   although after a number of years it's quite funny how all the places look the same now, but that's another opportunity for rambling later......

BUT, after a number of years i, without even knowing it, realized that time doesn't move at the same speed for me as most of my good mates.  as i spent the years touring the country and some parts of the world the rest of the people i know spent those same years growing up........finding their significant others..........and some having kids.   all i've done is come in and out of their lives all the while not changing much.   the change is most evident usually when fewer and fewer of my good mates can hit the town 3-4 times a week with me.   time moves quicker here at home, no doubt about it.
this particular epiphany has become most evident to me in recent years as i've watched a 4 year old grow up into a not-so-4-year-old now.   it's amazing to me quite honestly really because i, and some friends, all went with her and her momma to her FIRST day of school (i'm so thankful to have had that opportunity as i will most likely never have any kids of my own....which i'm cool with, so don't panic).  of course that little girl is growing like a weed these days and getting tall and skinny.  the pics i took of her just 8 months ago look nothing like her now.  in few short years i'm guessing she won't want me to take her to get snow cones in the summer months anymore either. bummer.  
another small epiphany that has come to me recently, and one i haven't quite worked through in my head fully, is that what makes you truly happy doesn't have to be, although it can, the thing you make a living at.  it had been for me my entire life, up until a few years ago.  the start of this most recent discovery was from watching a movie a friend of mine recommended called "pirate radio".  it's about the 60's when pirate radio ships were anchored off the coast of the UK and were broadcasting any music they wanted to.  so i must have watched the movie 3-4 times and it dawned on me that here were these people, just radio DJ's, not musicians, but they loved music to the nth degree.  it was there life.  it's what they woke up and literally lived for every day of their lives.   which of course reminded me of when i was in 1st and 2nd grade and literally the first thing i did when i woke up, to get ready for school, was turn on the radio.  i can't even remember what i was listening to and i'm sure i don't want to remember.   the point is THAT is when i fell in love with music and back then it had nothing to do with playing it.  it would be another 7 years before i put my first drumsticks in my hand.  like i've said, i do still love playing music, but that fire i had in me when i was younger to play every day no matter what......that fire just isn't raging anymore.   it's partly why i moved to nashville and also moved out.  i moved there to play with someone who i honestly believed in and truly dug her music, but there's no way i could make a living in that town having to play any gig offered to me.  i did get the opportunity to play some great music while i was there, but most of what passed over my ears was just not to my liking.....and never will be.  so until i turn into that 7 year old kid again and have that passion for music i once did i really can't say what will become of me and music.  i will get to play gigs this week with one of my best friends, josh davis, as well as ted russell kamp and i am most assuredly looking forward to each and every one of those shows.  i can relate to both of their tunes very much.............and i enjoy the music.  which is the most important thing.
the things i do these days that truly give me pleasure and make me happy are not things i can make money while doing.....unless of course anyone wants to come over to my place and pay me to cook you dinner.   so that's kind of an epiphany in the making.....which is really the reason i moved back to the fort.   this place makes me truly happy even though i'm still trying to tame these restless bones i still have in me........and have had in me my entire life.  London is another place that makes me happy, but living there will have to be something i do later in life....maybe.  for now i've committed myself to fly over every year for at least a week or two.   

it's almost 2am and that crazy brit at the pub here is about to scream last call, so i'd better shut this laptop down.   that and i need sleep as i think i might get up and go to church in the morning.  i met a pastor in the parking lot of target who had more ink than me....go figure.  so it's at least a given i won't get stared at when i walk in their church......which is a good start.     and who knows, maybe the Lord willing, i'll have another epiphany there in the AM.  stranger things have happened.