speeding tickets, coolers and ted russell kamp

well, what i knew would eventually happen certainly did.  i held it off as long as i could, but the deck cooled off for me about a week ago.   3 out of the last 4 tourneys i have played i have started the usual way in amassing a large stack of chips.   at the final 9 (on two of them) i have plenty of chips and then get no cards to work with at all.  no suited connectors, no A above a 5 or 6 (and that's when i'm usually under the gun or in the blinds and can't see a cheap flop), no pairs.  nothing.   so when this happens in these local tourneys the blinds go up so fast that when you go card dead for 30 minutes or more you are seriously in danger.   a week ago sunday i barely managed to min cash for $143 when my AK suited got out flopped by QJ suited and to make it sting even worse was the fact that my opponent and i shared the exact same suit. a week ago today i almost hit a crucial double up with AQ suited vs. JJ when i turned the nut flush, giving me 15 outs, but the river was a blank for me.  thursday at winstar was no different as i started off great, but just couldn't make much happen (seriously very bad blind structure).  then two days ago i bubbled, at 4 handed, when my friend jason took me out holding 1010 vs my AK (and if you read this jason no bad blood here, no doubt.  you have to make that call every time at that stage of the tourney.  i'm just mad at myself for shoving because my gut told me i was gonna lose if i did that....and i did).   i'm just not hitting my over cards when i face a lower pair.   these things happen.  i know it.  it still sucks though.  

and given the fact that i have some unpaid past speeding tickets crop up, out of state of all places, to suspend my DL right now, all my profit from two weeks ago has been spent on clearing those tickets up.......and they still won't give me my DL back.  yeah me.  thank goodness i have friends who like being paid in cigars to haul my ass around right now and my friend's incentive to take me to card games is my promise to pay him a % of my winnings.  although if i don't take down 1st or 2nd tonight i might have to peel the card playing back to tuesday nights only.  my cash has been drained seriously this last week or so.  i was well on my way to having my london trip half paid for by the end of the month and now suddenly all that money is gone........POOF!  time to figure out a way to build it back up........or sell some more of this crap at my house i'm tired of looking at.

as i have said before........the cards can turn on you in an instant.  they don't care who you are.  tonight i am going to seriously have to figure out a way to make some moves should i go card dead again in the latter stages of the tourney.   i will cash tonight and if there's a way to cash in 1st i WILL figure it out. 

since i got home from my west coast run on 4/21 i have had the best run of cards since i began playing. in fact, i have made more money playing cards than playing music.   card playing also is rating at much higher per hour profit than music right now.  i'm averaging, even with losses, about $48.50 per hour playing cards.   with gigs i'm LUCKY to make $25 an hour when it's all said and done (i've turned down a lot of gigs that would have ended up paying a measley $8-$10 an hour.  those aren't worth my time and they usually involve very very bad music).  the problem with music is when i do hit $20 + an hour i usually only have 2-3 gigs a week.   which clearly won't cut it.  so i am very very thankful for my profits at the card table these last two months. 

i hope i can keep this up.   it's my way out of the music business.  which i need to get out of as i get no longer get any joy out of playing music that i don't like.   the money just isn't worth it anymore.   so if you are reading this and i play a show with you in the future then you can know 100% that i like your music AND i like you as person.   of course i could have my arm twisted to do a european tour with just about anyone as long as you drop me off in london when it's all said and done.

speaking of gigs and GOOD music, my good friend ted russell kamp will be back in the DFW are in july for 10 days.  i will have 5 shows with him, one day in the studio and we'll be filming a video for a song off his new record as well.  also on the shows that week are chris claridy and josh davis.   seriously good band, fo sho.   i think ted is planning on recording the show at "love and war" in plano as well (audio only i think, but who knows).   if you haven't caught his live show you should and not because i'm gonna be there either.  it's good music, good tunes and good people.   i'll be sending out event invites for the shows that week so hopefully i'll see of you there.  even if you can't make a show, you should go buy this record (or any of his records for that matter as they're all quite good):

ok, i got 40 minutes until it's time to head to the card game and i have to set that deck back on fire tonight.  later.

the summer is heating up......

they say you can't always win at cards and i certainly know this to be very true.   i've had my ups and downs with the game just like every one else.   i've built small bankrolls of $50-$100 into not much bigger bankrolls of $800-$900......then the deck goes cold, i can't win a race, the suckouts abound and before you know it i'm back down to my original roll.  it's sooooo frustrating.   you're still playing well, you're not on tilt, you're still getting cards................but you lose, lose, lose, lose, lose.   it can literally make you feel like you are the worst card player on the planet.   it'll ruin your day.  maybe your week and month.   it's ruined my day before, more than once or twice.  it's the worst feeling in the world to me.   that sounds exaggerated, but for me it's not.   i really don't think people that don't play cards or people that don't take the game seriously can possible comprehend what i'm saying here either.

here's a conversation i had the other night with a friend of mine who was in vegas:

monday night 9:15pm CST:  
friend: "i'm killing a 4-8 w/ kill game at orleans"
me: "sweet.  i love limit because it's usually people that don't have the knowledge or cash to play NLHE"
friend: "yeah, a lot of people seeing flops for jackpot, i'm raising my hands building pots"

tuesday afternoon 4:43pm CST:
me: "how did you end up doing last night?"
friend: "hate vegas.  hate poker.  gold cold decked and couldn't scoop a pot.  just a bummer."

**not an uncommon conversation to have with friends concerning cards.  only a card player understands that when you are UP and running well..........you DO NOT leave the table.   being is up is not a reason to leave.  cold decks, better players, bad table image, being on tilt........those are reasons to leave.   sometimes playing cash games, which is rare for me, i over the course of 20-30 minutes can literally and clearly see that the deck has gone cold for me.  so i cash out.   never leave when you are running the table and crushing the game.  that, in essence, is you losing money.   because you're leaving dead money behind that should be flowing into your pocket.**


me....i'm a highly emotional person.  i wish i wasn't, but i am.  my highs are STUPID high and my lows......well, they are lower than most of my good mates realize because i don't let them see them (my counselor suggested more than once that i should look into some sort of drug that would balance me out so these swings aren't so drastic, like cards oddly enough, but i said no, more than once).  there's no real purpose served to let people see that side of me.   and of course lately........with the cards at least.......things have been good for me.  so life feels great.  tomorrow it might just suck badly, but today it's grand. 


which brings me back to the whole "heat" thing.    i cashed in 1st last night AGAIN at the tuesday night $40 rebuy.  my opponent at heads up only wanted to chop the money if i gave him an extra $20, so i said "no thanks".   then about 20 minutes later he wants to chop when i get him 2-1 in chips.   i said no.  a few hands later he asks again about chopping, but this time he said he would give ME an extra $50.  i said no.   i told him that i offered a chop when we got HU and he wouldn't chop it 50/50, so now we shall play it out.   like in most cases there was a small voice in the back of my head that said i should chop and not take a chance, BUT this guy i knew i could beat.   i had gotten him off better hands earlier in the night already.   i open shoved from the small blind once with K9 clubs when it had folded around to me.  i had to ship my whole stack because i felt 100% it was a big enough stack to get him off a weak A or any hand that wasn't very strong.  the big blind sits there agonizing over if should call me or not.  he could have won an oscar for his performance.   finally after about 2 minutes of thinking about it (he was really concerned about risking 60-70% of his stack on this hand....which is EVERYTHING at this stage of the tourney) he OPEN folds 88.   i chuckled on the inside and told him "good fold".  the even sicker part is the dealer, in her hand, burned a card and delt the flop to see it: AK3.    his fold, in my opinion, was a bad fold, but lucky for him he didn't call.    my biggest strength at this tuesday night game is that very few of the players know how to use their stack sizes deep in the tourney.  they all like to limp, so when i wake up with a good hand i punish them by, usually, shoving.   any raise less than that won't work.  they'll call a raise even if it leaves them with 500 in chips, but they WON'T call a raise if it puts them all in.  yeah, i know, it makes NO sense at all.  to leave yourself with no chips to work with is the same as being all in.  some disagree with me, but that's just how i see it. if you don't have enough chips to move someone off their weak or medium weak hand then you're short stacked.  heck, one hand last night i shoved with KJ hearts and the fella to my right limped.  table folded back around to him and he open folded A6 hearts.    dude had me CRUSHED, but he folded because made him decide for his tourney life on that one hand.   once again, i chuckled inside and told him VERY VERY good fold.   he believe me too......which still cracks me up right now.   the key to my winning over there is when i DO have to show a hand it's strong and it usually wins. 

i keep telling myself i can't keep cashing there every week......but i do.  every. single.week.   and for the record i'm not cashing solely because i'm getting killer cards.  sometimes i do get good cards at just the right time.   everyone needs that to happen to make a profit at the tables.  of course there are some weeks where i am lucky enough to have a decent stack because i have to fold for an hour sometimes and that's a lot of blinds.   i'm cashing because i have a good line on these players.  i know which ones play which way.  i know the tight ones (so when they raise i usually get out of the way) and i know the ones that chase to no end with bad hands.    finally last night when the game was over someone said "yeah, he cashes every week".   well, here's to hoping those fellas don't get better and i cash there..........every. single. week.   right now that room is paying all my bills and if i take down sunday for first place cash..........london is PAID for in full and i might go sooner than planned, but most likely not as there's a big series i want to play in early october at the fox poker club. 

NOW i just have to get a good line on room #2 that's close to the house.  those older fellas are NOT easy to play against and if i can figure them out and cash there semi regularly then life would be sweet.   i couldn't go to the WSOP once again this year, but i DO NOT care what it takes...........in 2012 i AM going and i AM going to make money.  just watch me.  and unlike most i could care less about a bracelet.  i am there for the money.   not to get rich, but to make enough to afford me freedom in life.  to travel, to eat well, to travel..........to play cards.   i will not be a slave to work and life.  it won't happen.  i've lived far too long without a day job to EVER go back.  i can't. 

In the words of mahalia jackson.....

In the beautiful tomorrow
So much sweeter than today
In the beautiful tomorrow
Well tears will pass away
There'll be no heartache
And no pain
In the beautiful tomorrow
So much sweeter than today

In the beautiful tomorrow
So much sweeter than today
There'll be no dark clouds
To block my gaze
There'll be no tears
Upon my face
In the beautiful tomorrow
So much sweeter than today

In the beautiful tomorrow
So much sweeter than today
In the beautiful tomorrow
Well tears will pass away

There'll be no dark clouds
To block my gaze
In the beautiful tomorrow
So much sweeter than today

Ther'll be no tears
Oh, to block my gaze
In the beautiful tomorrow
So much sweeter than today

Oh, in the beautiful tomorrow
So much sweeter than today
In
Well tears will pass away
There'll be no heartache
Or pain
In the beautiful tomorrow
So much sweeter than today

7 shows in 6 days with some killer musicians

well, the crazy busy week starts tonight out in weatherford with copeland.   i'm stoked about this week, seriously, and it's not all that often i get too excited about playing joints i've played at for the last who-knows-how-many-years.   thursday is most definitely the highlight of the week for me as the show at woody's tavern with ted russell kamp will include BOTH chris claridy AND josh davis on guitar.  i wouldn't miss that show even if i wasn't on stage.   here's what the week looks like:

5/17: the cutting horse in weatherford w/ copeland  10PM
5/18: lola's 6th street in fort worth w/ copeland  10PM
5/19: woody's tavern in fort worth w/ ted russell kamp  9PM
5/20: bronco's in hurst w/ copeland  9PM
5/21: gruene hall in new braunfels w/ ted russell kamp  1-5PM
5/21: hill's edge in wimberly w/ ted russell kamp  8PM
5/22: gruene hall in new braunfels w/ ted russell kamp   1-1:35PM
          -KNBT 15th annual americana music jam (https://tickets.gruenehall.com/Event.asp?EventID=728)
        


and in a perfect world i'd fly out to vegas the next weekend for a few events at the WSOP, but it ain't gonna happen again this year.   maybe 2012.   i do have a few friends playing in some events this year, so i shall just have to be content to cheer them on........especially if they make a final table because those will all be streaming live online this year. 

ok, time to cook up some tasty foods.   see you all down the road.......

a church gig and cards.........all in a day's work.

DISCLAIMER:  IF YOU DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT POKER, YOU COULD BE LEFT SERIOUSLY BORED READING THE FOLLOWING STORY.  JUST AN FYI.........

well, the week started off not too shabby yesterday, no doubt.   after having a show saturday night with copeland i had the luxury of getting up at 7am to go play a church gig.   my brain doesn't and hasn't ever functioned well in the early AM.........especially on 4.5 hours of sleep, but i am not in a position to turn down many gigs these days.   so up i got, showered, made some extremely strong coffee (100% kona is soooooooooooooooo good), cooked a fried egg sanchwhich and headed out the door to hurst........still half asleep.  after church i managed to get in a 2 hour nap and then the day got really good.....

the tourney started at 4pm and with more coffee and a cigar in hand i sat down and quickly started studying my opponents.   some i had played with in this room before, but most i hadn't.  it's always a wide range of people that can sit down at a table and play cards together, but it's usually pretty clear in the first 30 minutes who really knows how to play and who is there just to try and see EVERY SINGLE FLOP with any two cards.  the latter folks usually rack up a lot of chips early with seemingly crazy hole cards and then take huge chunks out of others stacks........but that's usually because people try and get sneaky with hands like KK and QQ (which i witnessed yesterday when KK limped in and let 6 others limp in......including 2/7 suited who flopped 2 pair).  don't get cute with high pairs in the hole.......it'll bite you in the ass later in the hand.  that's almost 100% guaranteed.  my table included one woman in her late 50's, another man who was older as well, but most were my age and down.   only 2 guys at my starting table really knew the game.  the rest were there to play "no fold em hold em".........and that they did.  

$110 buy in for 7K in chips.   they didn't change the blind structure, but they did extend the blind times by an extra 5 minutes, so that should help with the patience factor (mine at least).   i know the guys in this room try and play every single hand they can in the first 4-6 levels before the blinds get pricey, so i know i need to take advantage of that loose style of play.   so i play tight for the first portion of the tourney.   i tried raising in early position with hands like KQs and AJs.  i was hoping to stage an image of playing solid hands so that later i could get away with bluffing when people's tourney life was on the line.   this however didn't work as every time i raised (only 2-3 times actually) i got called by a minimum of 5 people........then i bricked the flop.....badly.  so much for that idea eh?  plan two was to go back to playing tight.  

we were still at 2 tables and i think my table had all 10 still seated at it when i woke up with two beautiful black ladies in the small blind: the queen of spades AND clubs.   the lady at my table raised to 600 (75/150 level) and had two callers.  i didn't want to see those two callers because now it means i have to jam the hell out of this pot right now......pre flop.   as soon as she raised i eyed her stack and it seemed she had 3025 left to play behind her, so after the two callers put their dead money in the middle i raised it to 3025.   which tells her and the rest of the table i'm not folding at all.  if i lose the hand i will still have about 3-4K left to play with which is more than enough at this blind level.....which is mostly the reason i decided to get aggressive with this hand.   simply stated: i can't be knocked out of the tourney.....which means i can't lose.  she can be knocked out however so i basically made her make a decision for her tourney life.  i'm praying for her to get it all in and flip over JJ or 1010 and of course if she turns over KK or AA then that's poker and i have to get lucky, but again, i can't be knocked out so there's really no stress on me at all. 

once i reraised to 3025 it certainly got the entire tables attention and the lady's face didn't flinch at all.........................ooops, was the first thing that went through my head.  i'm beat.  she has AA, no doubt about it at all.  i'm 100% sure of it now, but of course i can't not call her last 600.  every one folds to her and she throws her last 600 in and i call.   just like i knew she turns over AA and i flip over my ladies.   one thing i do have going for me is she has AhAd, so i can still get lucky with some sort of sick flush or Q high straight.   then it gets worse.......  my friend cody looks at me to tell me he folded a Q.   so now i've lost an out. there's ONE and only ONE beautiful queen in the deck left and i really really need that woman to hit the flop to put my mind at ease........................the dealer burns a card and deals 3 cards face down, then flips them over.......the card in the window was the 3d.......no help for me, but as the poker gods would smile down upon me yesterday the second card was the CASE queen.   i flopped top set and left my opponent with only 2 outs............which she bricked. thankfully.    i'm the big stack at the table now with over 11K.  i make a quick count of my stack once i rake it in and considering i now have over 70 big blinds, it's time to sit and be patient.  that an mr. 2/7 suited is really mixing it up with literally any two cards, so i know his time is limited and no way he's cashing today.   i just don't see it.

then i go card dead for a long while and lose 25% of my stack.   then i raised in late position with 6/6 and had the big blind shove.  it's only 1.1K more while i know i must be behind i can't see folding here.  so i call.......and he flips over 7/7.   oooops again.    this time i'm not so lucky to hit a set and my opponent doubles up.   then i really go card dead.   i had worked that original stack of 11K up to 15K + and now i'm back down to about 8K with the blinds at 400/800.    this is NOT good for me.....except that most in this room have no clue how to play their hands according to their stack sizes.   it just never occurs to them to ever put pressure on other stacks with medium to strong hands.......which is a very good thing for me.   i for one hope they NEVER learn because right now their ignorance is lining my pockets with hundred dollar bills.   so the next hour was basic survival mode. then i get moved to the other table for about 15 minutes.   not much to comment about there as i won 2 hands by checking it down from the big blind, shoved once to steal the blinds and then we got down to the final 9.  which meant i moved back to my original table.

they put me in seat 10 which is to the immediate right of the dealer.  i HATE seats 1 and 10.  it blocks off at a minimum of 2 seats from my immediate viewing and it makes it really awkward to turn and stare down the opponent to my immediate right.   oh well, can't control everything at the poker table, so i make the best of it. so again, i'm playing really tight because i basically have little to no chips left in relation to the size of the blinds.  at one point i was down to about 10K in chips with the blinds at 800/1600.   not good at all.  if i don't find a hand to double up with in the next orbit around the table i'm screwed and i can forget cashing today.   not to mention we've lost two players, so we're down to 7.  which means the blinds are hitting me quicker which is killing my stack.   twice i shoved with something like AJ or A9.  it worked and i stole the blinds, which buys me an orbit.   then the poker gods smiled upon me again and the timing was PERFECT.   i'm in the big blind and i looked down at AhKs.   all i can think right now is someone PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE raise or shove.   anybody.    and so they did.........the cutoff shoved his last 14K +/- in and it folded to me, so i snap called off my last 10.6K and flipped over my cards.   i CAN NOT tell you how delighted i was to see my opponents KcJs.   then the flop was a miracle flop for me.   A/10/3.......all spades.   so not only do i have top pair/top kicker, but i have the nut flush draw.   my opponent is dead to runner runner JJ or a Q for a straight and of course the Q can't be a spade.  then he bricks the turn (leaving him with 3 outs) and again on the river, so i double up.  now i'm sitting on almost 25K, but i'm not out of the hot water yet.   25K at 800/1600 is still a bit to short stacked for my comfort level.  time to tighten up some more and look for a pot to get my stack in.  

most that are left at the table are very short stacked right now as well, save for one or two guys who are sitting around 40K. i made it my goal to put pressure on those short stacks and steal their chips OR find a spot to double through the big stacks.   the bad thing is that the two large stacks of 40K are good players, so i gotta be careful when i get in a hand with them.   the last thing i wanna do is get wiped out by a big stack and have some short stack barely sneak into the money with barely any chips left.   so i folded.........a lot.  for at least a few more orbits and then i woke up with 6/6 in late position.  so instead of raising (which would have required at least 15-20% of my stack), which i most likely should have done i instead decided to limp and see a flop.  

BOOOOOOOM!!!!!   the flop was 3/9/6 rainbow.  what to do.....what to do?   the big blind leads out and bet 5K into a pot of 8K (1K/2K level).   now depending on what the next guy does will seriously affect what i do.  if he flat calls the 5K i have to jam the pot and get heads up with someone OR get it all in right now.   instead the next guy folded, so i decided not to jam it and i flat called....the guy on the button folded.   heads up......PERFECT.  this is just what i wanted.   the turn is the 4clubs which now puts a flush draw out there and a straight, if in fact the BB is holding 5/2 or 5/7, but i don't see him having a straight.  why?  cuz it means he bet a gut shot and that's just not plausible.  of course now i know i have to jam this pot........especially if he leads out and bets again.  the pot is 18K and he leads out for 10K.......i pause to reflect (aka pretend i have no idea what to do) and i then i shipped it all to the middle.   there's no better spot for me right now to get it all in.  if he calls i double up (hopefully) and if he folds i'm ok with that too.   once i'm all in and he doesn't snap call i know immediately he does not have 2/5, 5/7.   he might have 9/9, but i just don't see it because 1) he didn't raise pre flop and 2) i don't think he'd wait this long to call with top set.    he eventually calls my all in and flips over 9/5 off suit.   well, he's got outs, but only 8.  any 2 or 7 give him a straight and send me packing.   i don't like his call at all.  it's one of those calls that reeks of "i have a hand, but i'm gonna be stubborn and call off a lot of my chips and hope to get lucky because even i know i'm beat because you just came over the top and shoved on me".   thank goodness the poker gods were with me once more and the river was a most beautiful Kh.   whew!  now i'm sitting at over 50K.   time to cruise into the money while trying to pick up small pots here and there.  

i floated between about 55K and 45K for a good while and eventually we busted the money bubble and were down to 4 people.   next out gets $112, but the blinds are getting large.....they're now at 1500/3K.   i didn't come here today to make $2.   that won't even cover my bloody gas today.    the youngest kid and worst player at the table wants to chop immediately.........we all ignore him.  i know i'm better than him, but the other two guys left aren't gonna be easy to beat......especially the guy to my immediate right.   his name is ruben and he clearly knows how to play cards well (i.e.- please God don't let me get tangled up in big pot with ruben).   i get on a small card rush and raise about 4 hands in a row from whatever position i'm in and take all 4 hands down pre flop.  that's a lot of extra chips right now that i can really use.   i'm up just over 60K now.   finally ruben calls the other good players all in with 9/9.  the other guy flips over A/9 and all i can think is NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ace.   3rd place cash is $250. 


so now we're down to 3.   time to knock out the youngin'.   there were several hands where i limped in the small blind against the young kid's big blind.   he checked it every single time and didn't raise.  this is good.  out playing him post flop is a no brainer because he's really playing scared, but what i'm really hoping for is to wake up with a great hand, limp and have him shove.   i set it all up with him hours ago on one of the breaks.   he had lost a huge pot to a player earlier in the tourney because he/young kid called off a ton of chips on a draw.    turns out his opponent had complete trash and the young kids K high was actually good.    so i basically told him that at some point he's gonna have to take control of the hand and get it all in and apply pressure to his opponents.  lucky for me he listened. 

ruben folds his position on the button and i look down and see the holy grail of cards when you're 3 handed......................two absolutely gorgeous bloody ACES.   that's right..........two of 'em.  after i sneak a peak at my cards i pretend to look at my chips by facing my head downwards.  when i do this the kid makes the mistake of taking his eyes off me and i stare over at him.   i don't know what he has but his face gives off the CLEAR tell that he likes what he just looked at.   he's got 15K behind his posted 3K big blind, so i know 100% he's about to put it all in if i limp.  so i decided to let him do the work and i limp.   right on cue he shoves all in and i call and flip over my AA before he can get his chips in the middle of the table.    mind you, it's not a bad shove on his part.  i would have done the same.  so the kid fails to hit anything, bricks the whole board and is out. so now it's ruben and i.  i have 79K +/- and he has 62K +/-.   i don't like that at this blind level.   it's too close without much room to work with and i'm up against one of the better players that played in this tourney.   so i ask to stop the clock so ruben and i can discuss a deal. 

i'd already been thinking about a chop at heads up for at least an hour now.   like i said, i was absolutely determined to take down 1st place cash today.   2nd was $528 and 1st was $1078.   i suggested two things:  1) we split the money even at $803 each and play for the ticket (free buy in to a $650 tourney NEXT may 2012 which gives you a chance to win a seat into the WSOP main event.  winning that $650 tourney is worth about $12K, just not in cash).    ruben makes it very clear that he wants the ticket.  he doesn't care about 1st place cash and he doesn't want to chop the money and then keep playing for the ticket.   he wants the ticket and that's all he really cares about.   so i give it to him and in exchange he takes 2nd place prize money and i take down 1st place prize money.   i got 11 more of these $110 tourneys to worry about winning a ticket, so for now hand me that cash.  i got a trip to london to take later this year people and todays earnings won't even cover the bloody plane ticket. 

i tip the dealer $40 (yes, i'm cheap, but i'm also quite broke right now) and i clear $928 in profit for the tourney (making $232 an hour ain't so bad for a sunday eh?).     i really can't explain how good the last 3-4 weeks have been for me playing cards, but i hope this is a telling of things to come for me.  i've busted my butt learning this game over the last 5 years and actually no limit hold em, or "no fold em hold em" as i like to call it, is my LEAST favorite poker game.   i like horse, plo, stud, omaha 8, stud 8 and razz.   i find those games much more intriguing and much more stimulating to this old brain of mine.  

how i so wish i could play the $45 re buy on tuesday night again as i've cashed in that tourney 3 out of 3 times i've played it.   unfortunately i can't as i have a gig with copeland and the gang. mind you, i do love playing with those fellas, but it looks like this tuesday night tourney is gonna be my bread and butter for awhile.........i at least hope so.   clearly i can't always cash in it, but even if i bust out of the next 3 i'm still way ahead.  THE most important thing is that i've found a game i can beat with consistency.  i just have to hope none of the players catch onto my game and how i play OR get better.   even if they do it won't be for a long time.  they play too casual.   they have day jobs with regular pay checks, so it really doesn't matter if they lose $45-$100 every tuesday night.   BUT it matters a lot to me to cash in 1st or 2nd or chop that tuesday night tourney.    it makes a very big difference to me financially right now.   so the looser they play the better.   keep bleeding chips fellas because they essentially turn into hundred dollar bills in my pocket.  

i was out of there at 8pm and headed to the pub to celebrate.   my friend fish (aka jon hunt) joined me at the pub to hang for a bit.   small plug for his band "the thieving birds":  go see them soon. they are excellent. 

no more cards for me this week though.  i have 6 gigs the next 6 nights:  3 with copeland and 3 with ted russell kamp, but more on that later.............today was about cards.  although right now it's beginning to be about food.  i'm starving and all i've had since i got up at noon was coffee.   time to grab a snack and then head over to casa del nace tonight around 7pm and hang with my cigar buddies...................who like to talk about cards.   

what to eat...............what to eat...........................

cinco de mayo.........ba hum bug

to get straight to the point.........i hate this week......and have for the last 6 years.  i wish i could go to sleep on april 30 at 11:59pm and wake up the day after mother's day at 12:01am, but clearly i can't.  to explain, for the unknowing out there, the first portion of may contains my mom's birthday, the day she died, my birthday AND mother's day.......in that order and they are usually all within 5-7 days of each other.   this year it's all within 4 days with my birthday falling on mother's day.........and it blows.   i keep thinking with every year that passes it will get easier, but it hasn't.  time heals all wounds right?  i must have a longer time frame than most.  

i've tried facing my emotions that are connected to this time of year (i really have and i have more than a year of counseling to prove it) and i've tried completely and utterly ignoring them too.   some years i've spent going out every night and some years i've pretty much stayed in every night.  last year on my birthday i drove up to Louisville, KY and back and then sat at the house in east nashville playing cards all night (which reminds me that i played a tourney on 5/5 last year, mum's birthday, in nashville and i busted out in last place within like 30 minutes........even I knew i shouldn't have been there. i remember the hand i busted out on like it was yesterday).  one year i even tried going to london (not that i don't love going there ANY time of year though) so that i would be surrounded by ALL things different................none of it's worked.  zero.  zilch.   in the end most things i've tried and thought to do to make this time of year pass by easier just haven't worked.  hell, christmas time is easier for me than the first half of may. 

i miss my mum terribly.  it's as simple as that.  sometimes i'm left almost mentally paralyzed when i think back to 5/7/05 and how it was an incredibly long and exhausting day.   i still don't know how i managed to play a show that night, but i did...........in the last few years i have questioned if playing that show was the right thing to do or not.  i remember sitting at the bar at woody's before soundcheck when my good friend allan (bassist for the evening) came in and casually asked me something along the lines of "so how's your day been?".  i remember telling him flat out my mum died in a car wreck that day.   he didn't know what to say, and most don't.  i didn't expect anyone that day or evening, or for the next few months for that matter, to say anything that would comfort me.  i pushed some people away from me during a time when i needed someone......and i regret that to this day.   there's really nothing anyone can say in that situation that is going to lessen the pain.  it still to this day hurts like it was yesterday.   i've certainly learned, the last few years, that i do not deal well with death.   if i wasn't sure about that before i for sure realized it when my close friend larry died in late '08.  

one thing i read this week that really made me think about this time of year, amongst other things in my life, is this:  "getting better doesn't always mean going back to what you once were".   of course, non of us can be what we once were.  life experiences guarantee that 100%.  Lord knows i'm not the same person after 5/7/05.   for now i'll just keep trying to move forward though, but for now there's a few London Porters calling my name.    3 more days............................

MAY 12TH, 1972

(me at 4 days old with my mum)

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM!!  I AND A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE MISS YOU!!

epiphanys and such........

epiphany: a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

 

i don't know if it's just my age or what, but i seem to have more of these the older i get.   maybe it's that whole wisdom thing, but i doubt it.  and usually when i have them they are related to some conversation i had some days or weeks prior.   one of the most notable i've had in recent years was from a conversation i had at the fort lauderdale airport after a two week stint in key west.  i had been on the road for almost three and a half weeks at that point as i'd been in seattle the week prior to key west.  after flying from dallas to seattle then across the country to ft lauderdale, then in key west for two weeks i was worn out.    it was definitely time for home............and familiar things.

so anyway, me and a few band mates were sitting at the gate and i don't have any clue how we got on the subject of space travel, but we did.   i was informed that the further you travel away from earth the slower time slows down for you, which essentially makes time seemingly speed up on earth (i looked into too, it's true).   which means a couple of weeks of space travel to you could mean several months passing on earth.   seems simple enough correct?  then after a few weeks at home in the fort the ole epiphany happened.   i realized that the constant and relentless touring i'd done over the last 18 years was much like space travel.  to me i just hit the road for a week or two, sometimes 3 and then back home for a short while, then repeat.   i was still me.  the musician who just hits the road all the time seeing a different hotel every night, a different club, different faces and different restaurants.   although after a number of years it's quite funny how all the places look the same now, but that's another opportunity for rambling later......

BUT, after a number of years i, without even knowing it, realized that time doesn't move at the same speed for me as most of my good mates.  as i spent the years touring the country and some parts of the world the rest of the people i know spent those same years growing up........finding their significant others..........and some having kids.   all i've done is come in and out of their lives all the while not changing much.   the change is most evident usually when fewer and fewer of my good mates can hit the town 3-4 times a week with me.   time moves quicker here at home, no doubt about it.

  

this particular epiphany has become most evident to me in recent years as i've watched a 4 year old grow up into a not-so-4-year-old now.   it's amazing to me quite honestly really because i, and some friends, all went with her and her momma to her FIRST day of school (i'm so thankful to have had that opportunity as i will most likely never have any kids of my own....which i'm cool with, so don't panic).  of course that little girl is growing like a weed these days and getting tall and skinny.  the pics i took of her just 8 months ago look nothing like her now.  in few short years i'm guessing she won't want me to take her to get snow cones in the summer months anymore either. bummer.  

 

another small epiphany that has come to me recently, and one i haven't quite worked through in my head fully, is that what makes you truly happy doesn't have to be, although it can, the thing you make a living at.  it had been for me my entire life, up until a few years ago.  the start of this most recent discovery was from watching a movie a friend of mine recommended called "pirate radio".  it's about the 60's when pirate radio ships were anchored off the coast of the UK and were broadcasting any music they wanted to.  so i must have watched the movie 3-4 times and it dawned on me that here were these people, just radio DJ's, not musicians, but they loved music to the nth degree.  it was there life.  it's what they woke up and literally lived for every day of their lives.   which of course reminded me of when i was in 1st and 2nd grade and literally the first thing i did when i woke up, to get ready for school, was turn on the radio.  i can't even remember what i was listening to and i'm sure i don't want to remember.   the point is THAT is when i fell in love with music and back then it had nothing to do with playing it.  it would be another 7 years before i put my first drumsticks in my hand.  like i've said, i do still love playing music, but that fire i had in me when i was younger to play every day no matter what......that fire just isn't raging anymore.   it's partly why i moved to nashville and also moved out.  i moved there to play with someone who i honestly believed in and truly dug her music, but there's no way i could make a living in that town having to play any gig offered to me.  i did get the opportunity to play some great music while i was there, but most of what passed over my ears was just not to my liking.....and never will be.  so until i turn into that 7 year old kid again and have that passion for music i once did i really can't say what will become of me and music.  i will get to play gigs this week with one of my best friends, josh davis, as well as ted russell kamp and i am most assuredly looking forward to each and every one of those shows.  i can relate to both of their tunes very much.............and i enjoy the music.  which is the most important thing.

 

the things i do these days that truly give me pleasure and make me happy are not things i can make money while doing.....unless of course anyone wants to come over to my place and pay me to cook you dinner.   so that's kind of an epiphany in the making.....which is really the reason i moved back to the fort.   this place makes me truly happy even though i'm still trying to tame these restless bones i still have in me........and have had in me my entire life.  London is another place that makes me happy, but living there will have to be something i do later in life....maybe.  for now i've committed myself to fly over every year for at least a week or two.   

it's almost 2am and that crazy brit at the pub here is about to scream last call, so i'd better shut this laptop down.   that and i need sleep as i think i might get up and go to church in the morning.  i met a pastor in the parking lot of target who had more ink than me....go figure.  so it's at least a given i won't get stared at when i walk in their church......which is a good start.     and who knows, maybe the Lord willing, i'll have another epiphany there in the AM.  stranger things have happened.